YOUR VAGINA IS NOT A CLOWN CAR

Repost from my post at http://oneyearexperiment.tumblr.com/

Now, I chose this topic because there is a veritable encyclopedia's worth of things that make me want to punch something in the face. But I have chosen the top 5, in no particular order, for your reading pleasure.

1. The "Quiverful" Movement

These people make my blood boil. If you've never heard of them, look up the Wiki article. They believe that God will decide how many children you are meant to have, not silly things like whether or not you have the income or sanity to support twenty slimy crap-machines. The man makes all of the decisions in the house, including whether or not they will be having children now, et cetera. Depending on the man, he may also be dictating exactly what she wears, how the house is cleaned, where she can go. Older siblings are responsible for the younger ones, shoving children into parental roles long before they are ready. The overabundant "arrows for Christ" are then trained in intolerance and elitism before they are carefully courted off into marriages. Note that their daughters must have their parents' permission to be married, and no one moves out unless it is to marry. If you've got a really strong stomach, look up some of the blogs from women who got out.

2. Fred Phelps

Nothing else to say.

3. People Who Cannot Distinguish Between "Good" Things and "Fun"

I read these books before the movie came out. I was kinda like, meh, not good, but entertaining. Then came the movies and all the people hailing it as THE BEST THING EVAR. NO OTHER THING IS AS GOOD. OH MY GOD. The same is true of the Mortal Instruments series, the Sookie Stackhouse books, the movie Mean Girls, the Jonas Brothers and Ke$ha. These things are not "good." "Good" implies that they are intelligent and thought-provoking. They are entertaining. Fun. Not good. And so help me the next time a Twilight movie comes close to outdoing a Harry Potter movie I will personally put a hit out on Robert Pattinson.

4. Good Musicians Who Are Huge Assholes

Even more than that strange alien child of David Bowie and Elton John, though, is Beck. God I want to hate Beck in all of his Scientologist, hipstery uppitiness. But have you heard the music he did for Scott Pilgrim? IT'S SO VERY GOOD. You want to refuse to listen to them or buy their records to punish them for being dicks, but the music is so good you can't resist! That's why I will never listen to The Used. I can't run that risk.

5. People Who Think Celebrities Should Be Exempt From Jail

Roman Polanski. R. Kelly. Michael Jackson. Eminem, Hugh Grant, 50 Cent, Sean Combs, Charlie Sheen, Chris Brown. What do all these people have in common? They have all committed really nasty crimes of various sorts, and all of them have been the focus of "free this unjustly imprisoned person" for no reason other than the fact that they are famous. Yes, Roman Polanski made really great movies and survived the Holocaust. Due respect given. Does that mean that he shouldn't be punished for sleeping with a 13-year-old girl? NO. WHY WOULD IT. WTF.