Vomiting alligators et al.

When I was a kid, I read a lot of Animorphs. In one book, one of the Animorphs develops an allergy to some of the animal genetic material she had picked up, specifically, alligator DNA. In a scene that in retrospect is not at all fitting for a children's book, she throws up said "genetic material" in the form of AN ENTIRE ALLIGATOR in a zoo bathroom. Yes, she vomits an alligator. Now, I want you to imagine the sounds that would accompany vomiting a full-sized alligator. Think really, really hard. Got it? Okay.

Those are exactly the sounds I listen to all day at home. My father has acute pancreatitis, which makes you violently ill. However, a surgery years ago left him unable to throw up, so he can't actually be sick. Just the noises.

I would love to pity him but a number of incidents make this difficult, so mostly I just worry. I am the oldest of three, and we are aged 19, 16 and 8. I am in college, my sister will soon be going to a very expensive college, and some years after that my brother graduates and (hopefully) goes to college. Between the pancreatitis and the fact that my father is currently on his third or fourth hip, he cannot hold a job. We are living off of disability and my grandparents' insurance money and somehow we still keep going on expensive vacations. Even better, he keeps planning them!

For some mysterious reason my mother tells me I am not supposed to worry about having to support my entire family within the next five years. Apparently there is some magic fountain of money tended to by unicorns that keeps us, but she can't tell me for fear I will betray its location to the evil vampire wizard and his horde of werewolf ninjas.

I would keep a horde of werewolf ninjas.