Vomiting alligators et al.

When I was a kid, I read a lot of Animorphs. In one book, one of the Animorphs develops an allergy to some of the animal genetic material she had picked up, specifically, alligator DNA. In a scene that in retrospect is not at all fitting for a children's book, she throws up said "genetic material" in the form of AN ENTIRE ALLIGATOR in a zoo bathroom. Yes, she vomits an alligator. Now, I want you to imagine the sounds that would accompany vomiting a full-sized alligator. Think really, really hard. Got it? Okay.

Those are exactly the sounds I listen to all day at home. My father has acute pancreatitis, which makes you violently ill. However, a surgery years ago left him unable to throw up, so he can't actually be sick. Just the noises.

I would love to pity him but a number of incidents make this difficult, so mostly I just worry. I am the oldest of three, and we are aged 19, 16 and 8. I am in college, my sister will soon be going to a very expensive college, and some years after that my brother graduates and (hopefully) goes to college. Between the pancreatitis and the fact that my father is currently on his third or fourth hip, he cannot hold a job. We are living off of disability and my grandparents' insurance money and somehow we still keep going on expensive vacations. Even better, he keeps planning them!

For some mysterious reason my mother tells me I am not supposed to worry about having to support my entire family within the next five years. Apparently there is some magic fountain of money tended to by unicorns that keeps us, but she can't tell me for fear I will betray its location to the evil vampire wizard and his horde of werewolf ninjas.

I would keep a horde of werewolf ninjas.

Marriage < casual sex...?

So a girl I went to church with just posted ultrasounds today. She is 18 and just got married in April. And I don't know if this applies to her, but knowing the environment she grew up in, it probably does.

I can almost understand raising your children with that wait-until-marriage attitude. Almost. Probably because I was raised that way. But I've noticed an awful lot of people who were taught that sex is between a husband and wife end up getting married awfully young. I want to know this: how do you think marriage is LESS life-changing than premarital sex? Youth is a time for you to be free to make mistakes, major in philosophy, go on dates with losers, get drunk and have sex with some douchebag frat boy, experiment with your hot roommate, try weed, and did I mention be free? Why would you ever tie yourself down this young, especially if all you're after is sex? It's like buying a house so you can bake a cake!

Now, I've just realized I've done none of these youthful things up there. Off to rectify this.

Camping...

Just back from camping near Wildwood in New Jersey with my family. It was...an adventure! A week with your family is always a test of willpower and this one was exceptionally testy, if you will. We get there and I start setting up the tent and try to conscript my sister's help. She sees an ant, squeals and disappears off to the pool, leaving me to set up our massive 3-room tent alone.

I should point out that for this whole trip I was wearing plaid shirts and hiking boots and very obviously checking out girls at the beach, and my incredibly dense familia has yet to pick up on my blatant lesbianism. I'm out to my sister (16) and brother (8), and have actually come out to my parents many, many times, but they keep forgetting. Most of our exchanges went like this:

Mom: Ooooh, girls, look! *Mom points at crowd of shirtless jogging men, Father rolls eyes*
Savannah: Very nice, very nice! I take one home!
Captain: Remember to feed it and cut a hole in the box. *watches the girl tanning nearby*

Ah, family.

Hetero-bashing!

Work today was a little on the quiet side. There was no one in the room I usually work in, so the supervisor I work with and I went down to the infant nursery. There were only two toddlers and the three kids of another supervisor down there, so the four of us mostly sat around talking.

We got onto the subject of bills and paying them, and one of the supervisors mentioned taking "the gay hotel" off her credit card. Apparently on her latest vacation to Montreal, her travel agent booked them a room in what turned out to be a seedy hotel in the gay district. As soon as she starts in on it I start cringing on the inside...she's talking about switching hotels, and how "even the gay couples" were commenting on how bad it was, and worrying about being "hetero-bashed" as soon as she walked in the door...

Now, I should say first off that I have a great deal of respect for this woman. She has 4-5 kids, all home births, the first of which was born when she was 18. She is still married to the high school boyfriend she had her first son with and they have all grown up great kids. But honestly, I cannot think of one time anyone has been "hetero-bashed," and I really, deeply dislike hearing straight people fearing it. I realize some gays are fairly hostile towards straight people, but how many instances are there of boys actually being beaten for walking down the street holding hands with their girlfriend?

I still love my job though.

Capital Pride

This past weekend was Pride, which was pretty neat. I bought a big rainbow flag that I'm finding ways to smuggle around without the parental units seeing it. Sunday I had to work at church, which is entertaining for a whole slew of reasons that are too complicated to list, so I got home Saturday night at about 2 AM, got up at 6, went to go smile and be cheery at evangelicals and children, and then went home to prepare for "going to this cool shop we found in the city," which is Closetcode for "the Pride street festival."

Also, last night I went to see Toy Story 3, which blew my mind with its sheer quantity of perfect. Everyone should see it. Also, Ken is totally gay. Barbie is his beard.

Oh look, a blog to be pretentious on that no one will read!

So after all this time of lurking on blogs trying to convince myself that girls who like girls CAN really grow up and have happy families, I have decided to start my own. After all, we're all freaks together and we shouldn't have to hide it. :)

So, intro post! At quarter to 2 in the morning!

I am 19, which I realize is young but feels ancient to me. I am studying for my B.M. in choral education, after which I plan on getting an A.A.A. in recording technology and maybe an A.A. in business. The idea is to try to make at least a pittance of my music, try to manage bands, teach, and/or work in a recording studio. I figure one way or another I'll get a job.

I'm out to all my friends and a few family members. My parents are a roadblock. Technically I've come out to them, but they keep forgetting or pretending it never happened, so it's like I never did. That's a story for another post.

College has made me more active in the LGBT rights movement. I'm part of the executive council of my school's Queer Action, which was featured on Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper and no I cannot stop bragging about it.

That's all for now. More in the morning perhaps, when I'm fully conscious. x.x